Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

 160

0  

Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.

 190

0  

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."

 719

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."

 713

0  

Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.

 155

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