The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
 639
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1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking about her ex husband.. 2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about her next husband.
 206
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
 207
1  

After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence. She warns him that he'll fart his guts out. One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence. The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
 308
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Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman. My wife put me off them.
 183
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