She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
 226
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Contrary to popular belief, Harry’s mother and father were married. Not to each other. But they were married.
 197
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My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
 180
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I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
 191
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Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent. "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?" "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger."
 173
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