In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.

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A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts. "But how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks. "That’s simple." he says, "Just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day." "And that would do it?" the surprised wife wonders. "Well," answers the husband, "it sure did work on your behind!"

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If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.

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Marriage is spending the rest of you life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them.

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