As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."

 214

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Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and funeral procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!" To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."

 172

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I live like a medieval knight. Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.

 203

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Man at medical store:I need poison...Chemist: I can’t sell you that...Man shows his marriage certificate...Chemist: Oh! sorry, I didn’t knew u had a prescription.

 177

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I got married to Miss Right. I just didn’t realise her first name was ‘Always’.

 188

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