A man is on his deathbed. ‘Grant me one last wish, my dear,’ he gasps pitifully to his wife. ‘Six months after I die I want you to marry Joe.’ ‘But I thought you hated Joe,’ says his wife. ‘I do,’ says the man.

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He never got married. He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.

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I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.

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Make love, not war. Or if you want to do both – get married!

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For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night. She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie. He says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out." "Well, what do you think today?" He says, "I think I did a good job."

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