The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.

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If you want your wife to pay attention to every word you say, try talking in your sleep.

 201

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Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’ Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’

 185

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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

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Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.

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