A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!"
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A man is on his deathbed.
‘Grant me one last wish, my dear,’ he gasps pitifully to his wife.
‘Six months after I die I want you to marry Joe.’
‘But I thought you hated Joe,’ says his wife.
‘I do,’ says the man.
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A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
‘What’s up?’ says the driver.
‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.
‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
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At a health forum, speaker asked: What food causes the most suffering for years after eating it? After a long silence, an old man replied Wedding Cake! Of course!
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Doctor to woman patient: "Your husband is too fond of strong coffee. You should not give it to him."
Patient: "But you should see how excited he gets when I give him weak coffee."
