Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?

Q:Why do they never serve beer at a math party? A:Because you can't drink and derive...

An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."

Teacher: Your behaviour reminds me of square root of 2? Student: Why? Teacher: Because its’ completely irrational.

Two statisticians go bird hunting. The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet. The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet. They both give each other a high-five and say "Got it!"