Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful? Beautician: Maybe. Does he still drink a lot?

 493

2  

My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.

 560

0  

Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.

 607

0  

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

 532

0  

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

 1433

0