A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

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Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!

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Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nursing home.

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Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."

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The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

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