When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.

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Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack. His heart is too smart to not attack him.

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There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

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What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.

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A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."

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