Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack. His heart is too smart to not attack him.

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Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.

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A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."

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What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.

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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

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