Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."

Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After ... read more