A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.

 846

0  

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

 402

0  

Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.

 271

0  

Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.

 404

0  

What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.

 1225

0