The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.

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Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.

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Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.

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Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

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