What’s the sex? The sex in a disease. You always get in bed because of it.

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What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.

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Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

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A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”

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There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

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