Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.

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Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.

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In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".

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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

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Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

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