The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.

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What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.

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„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"

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Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

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Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.

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