What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
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Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
 344
6  

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
 384
0  

Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.
 444
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AIDS Can't Kill Chuck Norris.
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