A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."

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Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."

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My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds. I gave her a scale.

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Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

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"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

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