There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.

I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.

Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?” “No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate n ... read more

Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job? Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.