How many men does it take to please a woman. Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.

"Oh, my love! My darling! If you give me one more kiss, I’ll be forever yours!" "Sh*t... thanks for the warning."

Doctor: "Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age." Husband: "Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?"

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him ... read more