There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum. Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?" To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips." Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?" "No, but it stops me from licking them!"

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Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

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Question: How do you fix a woman’s watch? Answer: You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove.

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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

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