Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.

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Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!

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Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

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