Wife was in the ICU Doctor: It seems she is in a coma Husband: Please save her doctor. She is just 30 Suddenly the ECG started beeping, a hand moved and her lips mumbled. And she spoke: I’m not 30, I’m just 29.

 1005

1  

Boy: (calls 911) Hello, I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what’s your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

 1017

0  

A teacher is talking to a student. Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

 1217

0  

John: Bro I’ve invited 17 people to watch a movie, would you come? Bro: ok John, but why so many people? John: Because the DVD said “Only 18+ viewers.” Bro: Wait, what?

 1011

0  

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd."

 947

3