A man was complaining to a railroad engineer. What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late. The railroad engineer replied. How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

Graham Alexander Bell: I used to study under a candle William Shakespeare: I used to study under street light Mr. Bean: What did you guys do during the daytime?

Einstein: I will give you a question, and you will give a question to me as well. If you can’t answer my question, you will give me $1, and if I can’t answer your question, I will give you $1000 Mr. Bean: Okay Einstein: (Gives Mr. Bean a hard question) Mr. Bean: (Give $1 to Einstien) Einstein: Okay, now your turn. Mr. Bean: What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street he only has 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs? Einstein: (Thinking very hard) I give up. I can’t answer that. (Einstein gives Mr. Bean $1000) Einstein: But what animal is that, Mr. Bean? Mr. ... read more

Mom: Do you think I’m a bad mom Jimmy? Son: Mom, my name is Jack!