An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says: "Right, you've had enough, go home..." So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says: "Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more" He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face. so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away. The following morning his wife wakes him up ... read more

At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?" "Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very disappointed in you. You lie, you cheat on your wife repeatedly, you gossip about your clients. Of course, I know you!" Speechless, by the unexpected answer, the lawyer points with his finger on the other side of the court room and says: "Do you know the defense lawyer?" "Oh, yes! I know Mr. Soft ... read more

Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives.... "I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk.." "Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?" "New York City..."

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. "You're wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is ... read more