Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."

My son asked me today, "Dad, what music did you like growing up?" "Led Zeppelin," I replied. "Who?" he said. "Yeah, I liked them too."

Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"

Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout." "Why's that?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."