Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
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Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
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What's lil Wayne's favorite kind of pizza? Little Seizures. What? To soon?
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Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
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