An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning. He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time. The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop. "10:27" he said. The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before. He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to fi ... read more

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

Define "Egghead": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs: "Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"