What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It's mashing!

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I know when god becomes angry. When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"

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Why did the Viking buy an old boat? Because he couldn't afjord a new one!

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About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"

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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"

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