Boss: "This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?" Me: "That it's only Wednesday."
 108
0  

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
 95
0  

TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
 193
0  

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
 185
0  

What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!
 190
0