Chuck Norris went around the world... by standing still.

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When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train? When it's on the train.

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy three airline tickets for her flight.

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A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train." The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."

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Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

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