Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy three airline tickets for her flight.

One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents. "Was that all you wanted?" Murphy replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve g ... read more

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in? Mini vans!

A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything. About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad." The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside. Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?" The secon ... read more