I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving one day. So he went to the deepest part of the beach, got on his gear, and went underwater. He decides to go down 20 feet, and there he sees another guy with no equipment on. The man thought this was strange but we forgot about it and went down another 20 feet. There, he sees the same guy down there with no gear on. But the man decided to forget about it and go down another 20 feet. When he does, he sees the same guy 60 feet underwater with no gear on. Finally the man writes a note asking this guy how he can go so deep underwater ... read more

Seth: "Why is basketball the messiest Olympic sport?" Will: "I don't know." Seth: "Because the players dribble all over the court!"

All the bases are 90 feet apart in regulation Baseball. So why does it take a Runner longer to run from 2nd to 3rd than it does from 1st to 2nd? Simple! Because between 2nd and 3rd there is a 'Short-Stop'!

Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.