Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.
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A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
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After 8 rounds the boxer comes back in his corner, extremely grinded. The couch says to him: You should better take a decision! You want the champion title or the Nobel for peace...
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Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
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Why are old socks good for golf? Because they have eighteen holes.
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