The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

 498

0  

Chuck Norris sky dives without a parachute.

 52

0  

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!" "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."

 188

0  

"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."

 194

0  

When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants. High five!

 178

0