Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.

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Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."

 1622

3  

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."

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I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason

 202

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Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard? They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.

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