Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. "Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."

Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."

"Hey, cabby! How much to take me to the station?" "Five bucks, sir." "And how much for my suitcase?" "No charge for the suitcase, sir." "Okay. Take the case and I’ll walk."