We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?" The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you."

‘I used to live in a sub-basement. The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks. When the market crashed, he was wiped out. He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen

I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’

Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...