How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.

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What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus? A dead wringer.

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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."

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Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.

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Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!

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