What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

Q: Where do suicide bombers go after they die? A: Everywhere!

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more.

A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."

How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.