How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.

How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.

What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.

A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."

Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.