Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, "Now drop ... read more

A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job. The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar. The bartender then asked, "What did he say to you? The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"