During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks." The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first." The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler," replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, rig ... read more

A man walks into a nearly empty bar and orders a drink. He's sitting alone at the end of the bar, sipping away, and he hears a voice. "Nice shirt." He looks around and sees no one nearby. He forgets about it and continues drinking. "Nice tie," the voice says again. He looks around a second time. The bartender and all other customers are at the other side of the room. Confused, the man calls the bartender over and asks about the mysterious voice that admired his clothing. "Oh, that's the peanuts," the bartender said. "The peanuts?" asked the man. "Yeah, they're complimentary."

There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK ... read more

There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, "I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here." The string walks back to the table and tells his friends what the bartender said. "I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink," said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, "I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here." S ... read more

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."