”Hey grandma, did you see my pills? They write LSD on the box outside!” ”Screw the pills, didn’t you see the dragons in the kitchen?”

One afternoon, Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she says, “Mable, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Mable answered, “I have a suppository in my EAR?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m awfully glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”

Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Br ... read more

How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"? Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks. The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof ... read more