Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa... peacefully... sleeping... unlike the passengers in his car.

Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second ki ... read more

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and suddenly, the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I tried to get my weapon ready, but there was no time, the tiger leapt toward me with a mighty Roooaarrrrr!I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer sai ... read more

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."