A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some cof ... read more

When I was young, my slippers were red, I could pick up my heels right over my head. When I grew older, my slippers were blue, but still I could dance the whole night through.

Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She'd say "Knock knock." We'd say "Who's there?". Then she'd say "I can't remember" and start to cry.

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, its Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”