5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".

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Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar? A: A calendar has dates.

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Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."

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Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.

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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

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