Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

 1447

0  

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"

 1587

1  

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.

 1032

0  

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

 1265

0  

Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

 1577

1