I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
 1419
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"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"
 4763
1  

Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
 6539
2  

Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
 1863
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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
 1699
1