Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.

 1627

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

 1292

1  

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.

 863

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Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.

 1466

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Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

 1572

1