Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

 1364

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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

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I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".

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