Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

 1721

1  

Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

 1397

1  

Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.

 1835

0  

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.

 994

0  

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

 1405

0