Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."

 1306

1  

Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.

 1703

0  

Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

 1498

0  

Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.

 1543

0  

"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"

 4667

1