Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

 1370

1  

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

 1372

0  

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.

 963

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Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."

 1357

1  

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.

 1092

0