Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."

 1402

1  

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

 1412

0  

Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

 1724

1  

"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"

 4750

1  

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"

 1817

1