I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
 1305
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Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar? A: A calendar has dates.
 1788
1  

Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
 1517
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Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
 1289
1  

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
 1052
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