Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!" So the Pope slapped her.

Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."

I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.

Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.