Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.

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Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.

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Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.

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(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple. Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.

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