"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

What do you call a nigger with a regular job, who doesn’t drive a lowrider, sleeps in the same bed every night, doesn’t collect welfare, and doesn’t rape White women? An inmate.

Why did the basketball player go to jail? "Because he shot the ball!"

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.