Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.

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If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."

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My New Years resolution is 1080p.

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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!

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