A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
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Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
