This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

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If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

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A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man." And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"

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