My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
