On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."

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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!

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