My New Years resolution is 1080p.

 1221

0  

Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!

 1169

0  

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

 1655

1  

This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."

 1454

0  

You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

 1175

0