Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.

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I just saw a mexjcan guy walking down the street with a tv and I thought " wow, that looks just like mine." But I knew mine was at home shining my shoes.

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What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? He keeps coming and coming and coming...

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Chuck Norris can open PDF files with Microsoft Excel.

 422

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Yo' Mama's head is so big, she dreams in IMAX.

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