For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.

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"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

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What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

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A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"

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