After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.

 1791

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If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.

 790

3  

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”

 509

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Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.

 1317

2  

You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

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