You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
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"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bi ... read more
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What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
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