You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
 6994
3  

If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
 972
3  

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
 853
0  

Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
 1606
2  

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get tha ... read more
 1340
2