I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blonde decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, she finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow. Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing. Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. She finds herself barely able to hang on. The startled horse is now in a dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of ... read more

Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.

You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey. "Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?" "Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."