Jill: "How did you find the weather on your vacation?" Bill: "I just went outside and there it was!"

What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.

A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks what's wrong. "Well," replies the man, "when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking." "Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years." "That's not the problem, " the groom says. "She gave me $20 change!"

Chuck Norris goes to the Bermuda Triangle for vacation.

Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.