Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.

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"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? Ive been married to one of those for years!"

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Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.

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Scientis cannot figure out where Atlantis is... Chuck Norris owns a villa there.

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Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs. This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.

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