According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

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A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

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E only equals MC² because Chuck Norris allows it too.

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Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats? A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.

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First woman in space: "Houston, we have a problem." What? "Never mind." What's the problem? "Nothing." Please tell us. "I'm fine."

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