Chuck Norris took a rocket science class but quit becaus it was too easy.

An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?  A: An IN-body experience!

Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.