I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation: 1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate. 2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" 3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." 4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that wou ... read more

When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of "open wide" while making airplane noises? Or do they just smash it into their faces?

Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.

Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!