My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I'm still employed. I just can't remember where.

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A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss. The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?" The man says "I'm probably too honest." The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality." The man replies, "I don't give a shttp://unijokes.com/admin/h*t what you think!"

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Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.

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What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.

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Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

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