A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"

 188

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Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job? Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.

 247

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Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

 280

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I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"

 415

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What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

 625

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