Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.

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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice!

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Q: What is height of Honesty? A: A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

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Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.

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