Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.

What a woman says… This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and You’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do laundry right now! What a man hears… blah blah blah blah blah C’MON! YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

A sexy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The Bartender replies, "Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?" By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the horny bartender is gently sucking on them. She says, "You sure he isn’t here?" The bartender mumbles through her fingers, "Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?" The woman then says, "Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap i ... read more

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” “What dear?” she asked g ... read more