Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

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Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

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A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."

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