Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

There were three guys in a bar boasting about the amount of control they have over their wives after getting drunk. One said my wife never says no to me, the second one says my wife always says yes to me. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" They asked. She said, "get out from under the bed and fight like a man".

An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says: "Right, you've had enough, go home..." So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says: "Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more" He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face. so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away. The following morning his wife wakes him up ... read more

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."