No time for gym? Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.

2012 is the predicted date for the end of the world. The only rational explanation is Chuck Norris.

An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well ... read more

Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.

Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch? A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.