Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar? A: A calendar has dates.
 1844
1  

Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
 92
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Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
 221
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Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.
 19827
9  

I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."
 2020
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