Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch? A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

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How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

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Michael Jackson does moonwalk because he doesn't have time to turn and run away from Chuck Norris.

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Scientists called it a big bang, Chuck Norris called it an alarm clock.

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What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?

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