Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.
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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
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Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
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An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
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