I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym. Now this whole workout was a waste of time.

 1765

0  

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

 730

0  

A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"

 292

0  

My girlfriend is like February 30th, she doesn't exist.

 3610

1  

A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.

 1052

0