Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.

Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.

This mothers day, Men all around were criticized for not calling their mothers on such an important day. But me, I thought of the best way to get out of such a mess. Heres how the beginning of the Monday after Mothers Day went for me: Mother: "You know Mike, I was thinking and out of all my sons, you never called me on Mothers Day!" Me: "You know Mom, I was thinking, and out of all my mothers, you never called me on SON-day!" Something like this is bound to make her smile and forget, worked with my Mom!

Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...

A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".