A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, h ... read more

A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more then twice a week.

Q: If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it? A: The horse's name is Friday!

I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks ... read more