Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!

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My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.

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Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people stealing it.

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The Perfect Man At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want,get a TV!"

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Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.

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