There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. Steve Martin

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A blonde goes into a kitchen store and says to an assistant "Can i buy that TV please?" The assistant says "Sorry we don't serve blondes." So the blonde goes out and gets her hair dyed and then comes back and says, "Excuse me can i buy that TV please?" and the assistant says "No, because we still know who you are." So the blonde goes out and gets plastic surgery. She then comes back and says "Excuse me, can I buy that TV please?" and the assistant says, "No, because it's a microwave!"

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Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

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Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.

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Yo mamma so stupid she puts a piece of paper on the TV and says, "I'm watching paper-view."

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