Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind. It was the guy in the booth behind her. "Not so loud!" he said. "What?" she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup. "I said not so loud!" was his muffled reply. Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich. "How was your day?" questioned the man from behind once again. "Pretty good" responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care. "Did you pass t ... read more

A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead. A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side. Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."

One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.

I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."