- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."

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Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’

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A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife. After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?" "Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"

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Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.

 154

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Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"

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