‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen

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The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.

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This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."

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How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself? He’s smoking a cigarette.

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Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...

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