Question master: ‘In the Garden of Eden, what were the first words Eve said to Adam?’ Contestant: ‘Gosh, that’s a hard one!’ Question master: ‘Well done. Two points.’

Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. - If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. - You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some. - 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. - If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure. - You can do the whole neighborhood.

"Grandma, in the greengrocery they have that thick and that long cucumber." Deaf grandma answers,"be sure he'll also marry you."

Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.

3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"