Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in col ... read more

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.

Yo mama's so fat that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.

Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people? A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.