A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.

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An Indian and an African walk into a bar... Just jokin'. It's just two liberal white women.

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Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.

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A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

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The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

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