What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."

The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.

Q: Why do they say elephants never forget? A: They haven't met Alberto Gonzalez.

George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side." Bush interrupted, "Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?" The doctor replied, "That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left."