If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.

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Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

 324

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Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.

 478

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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans? A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.

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It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

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