When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

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Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.

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When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

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Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth? A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.

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Why is the Apple still reporting record profits from iPhone sales? Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them.

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