Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.

 350

0  

A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car!” said the blonde. “There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”

 330

1  

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.

 341

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A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Wife: 'What are you doing dear?' Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?' Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone.'

 526

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Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.

 215

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