Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.

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Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

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A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

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Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

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What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge? Cool music.

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