I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.” Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?” Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?” Tech Support: “Yes.” Customer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! He was there for almost a half hour! How much does AOL charge for long distance?” Tech Support: “It does not work that way. You can surf anywhere without long distance charges.” Customer: “No, I am sure AOL charges extra. It doesn’t make any sense that they wouldn’t. England is a ... read more

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.

Every mobile phone user has complained like this: Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, because now I have to change the whole text.

If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.