Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.

 237

0  

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

 325

0  

Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.

 315

0  

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure began when Chuck Norris arrived from the future and roundhouse kicked that phone booth into the past.

 258

0  

Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

 15673

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