A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

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Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

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Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."

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When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris

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If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.

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