A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

The real reason that Oprah is ending her show on television is that Chuck phoned and said "That's enough!"

Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.

Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.

Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."