A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

 483

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Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.

 295

0  

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.

 406

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Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."

 1031

0  

Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"

 399

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