Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.” Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.” “Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.” “You’re kidding! Wha ... read more

An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine ... read more

There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he alway’s made it by there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how? "No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride." The man says, "Ok!" They take off and the dri ... read more