Chuck Norris helps little old ladies cross the street... Bad guys get kicked to the curb!

A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool. He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae. “Crushed nuts?” asked the server. “No,” he answered. “Bad knees.”

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks ... read more

How do you get an old lady to swear? Get the old lady sitting next to her to shout bingo!

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."