My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

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On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

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