You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.
Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
