My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

 1621

1  

If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

 1654

0  

A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man." And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"

 1221

2  

You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

 1154

0  

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

 1360

1