Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

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My New Years resolution is 1080p.

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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."

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