A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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