Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
