My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
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Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.
Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
