My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But In the end, it doesn't even matter.

Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. ... read more

Music teacher tells Peter: "I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."

Yo mama so stupid, I said, "Why do you have 2 quarters in your ears?" And she said, "I am listening to 50 cent."