Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.

Our family was so poor our Christmas dinner was the leftovers from our last Christmas dinner.

I wouldn’t say Harry was mean, but last Christmas Eve he fired a pistol in the garden and told the kids Santa had committed suicide.

Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'

‘If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?’ Steven Wright