What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp? The pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche.

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Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

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‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin

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Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.

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Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"

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