Yo mama so poor the i saw her rolling a can and said what are you doing she said moving!

‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store. She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’ Bob Hope

An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note: Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agr ... read more

A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce." On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce." The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."