When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.

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Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

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Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.

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Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

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Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives. The first man says that he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica. "That way," he explains, "if she doesn't like one, she can use the other." The second man says he had bought his wife a sports car and a limo for exactly the same reason. The third man says, "I bought my wife a negligee and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the negligee, she can go screw herself."

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