A couple are arguing over money. ‘Do you know,’ says the man. ‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’ ‘Yes,’ says his wife. ‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’

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A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”

 421

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I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money!

 779

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Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.

 200

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Why does ET have such big eyes? He saw the phone bill.

 198

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