At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."

All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?" The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you."