Why'd the Mexican army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? There was only two vans.

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Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ? A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

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Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a Tennessee mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon, an Army barber sheared his head. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon, an Army dentist yanked several of his teeth. On his third day, he was issued a jock strap... The Army is still looking for him.

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Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy. Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant. It read - "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"

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Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? A: They need a map....

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