Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.

 207

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A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

 186

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Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?

 956

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What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.

 197

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Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

 363

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