Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”

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What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.

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Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.

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Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.

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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

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