How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
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If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
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I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
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What's the biggest difference between men and women ?
Men are crabby all month long.
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An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter.
Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days."
Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
