Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

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I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.

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What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

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Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."

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