Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.
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I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
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According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
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Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man? A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
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What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
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