Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.

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Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.

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I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.

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Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."

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Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

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