Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.

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The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"

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My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

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Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.

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Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"

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