"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."

 4495

1  

The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"

 787

0  

It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

 11861

1  

Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.

 971

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I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.

 3804

1