Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"

 1450

0  

The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"

 1060

0  

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

 1425

0  

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.

 1614

0  

An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."

 12153

8