Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...

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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.

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Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."

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Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

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Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn't masturbate? A: Liar.

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