What’s red, black, red, black, red, black, red and white? A nigger that’s masturbating himself!

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An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"

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A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."

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How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.

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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.

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