Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
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A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year unaccompanied in Shemya, Alaska. The first night home, he told his wife he had something to show her. "I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "D**k, ten-HUT!" And with that, his d**k sprang to full erection. "D**k, at EASE!" And his d**k deflated again. "That was amazing," said his wife. "Can I bring over our neighbor to show her?" The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of his accomplishment. ... read more
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What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.
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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
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