Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

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Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.

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While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."

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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.

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Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

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