Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
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Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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How is a soyburger like a dildo?
They're both substitutes for meat.
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What’s red, black, red, black, red, black, red and white?
A nigger that’s masturbating himself!
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A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
