Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.

 596

0  

Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."

 543

0  

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."

 502

0  

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

 465

0  

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.

 536

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