Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

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Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

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How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.

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Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.

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A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."

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