Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?

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A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."

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What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage.

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I live like a medieval knight. Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.

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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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