A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator." Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style. She was cold s ... read more

I had two women in my bed the other day. I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.

If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife was knocking on the front door, who would you let in first? The dog – at least he would shut up once he was in.

Don’t Marry The Person, You Want To Live With…Marry The One, You Cannot Live Without…But Remember Whatever You Do, You Will Regret It Later…

I got married to Miss Right. I just didn’t realise her first name was ‘Always’.