Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.

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I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow." The next day she came in wearing black! When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong. Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.

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Q: What are three words you dead the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home."

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A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"

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What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove? About a half an hour...

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