Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.

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Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”

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A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?" God replies: "So you can love them, my child." "Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?" "So that they can love you back, my child...!"

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Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.

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Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.

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