Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.

Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician? A: Drummers.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendan ... read more

Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato? A: "You better catch up!"

Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."