It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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Daughter: Mom,does God go to bathroom?
Mom: Why? my child..
Daughter: Today in the morning I heard papa said, "Please God let me go to the bathroom..."
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I've recently got a stalker.
He's everywhere all the time.
And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me.
So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."
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Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
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Why is there a fence around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.
