Women are looking for Mr. Right.
Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
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The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
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When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
