The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russian." Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again Silence. The calm Finnis ... read more

"Doctor I feel like biscuits!" "What, you mean those square ones?" "Yes!" "The ones you put butter on?" "Yes!" "Well, that means you’re crackers!"

Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.

I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now?!