Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

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Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.

 454

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What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.

 337

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Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.

 160

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Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge. Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m." 2nd driver, "it's ok, just go, there is no cops around."

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