What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

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Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.

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Women are looking for Mr. Right. Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.

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Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.

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An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

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