If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...

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The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

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Why don’t all the managers go into holiday at once? So people can’t see that the company works without them..

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