The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

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‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."

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How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.

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Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ? Doctor: I deal with you later.

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