Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.

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Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.

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A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

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Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.

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A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."

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