Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.

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What is height of Secrecy? Offering blank visiting cards.

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Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.

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Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.

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I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, "Damn, this brother will never come home!"

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