Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read." The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."

Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but ... read more

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outburs ... read more