Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever. Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the fin ... read more

There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so ... read more

A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street. The driver rush to the scene. He open the door ran out as soon as he did that the Jewish guy roll down his window as fast as he can and shouted, "Stop it, stop it, stop the meter."

The goal of life is living in agreement with Chuck Norris.

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.