What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

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I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’

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A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’

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How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips.

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Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?

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