Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving

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Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

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A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker? B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.

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If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

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Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

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