Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving

What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.

A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"? "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even ... read more

How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.