Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
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A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness: "Yes, sir." The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?" The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches." The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?" The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
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In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
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How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
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