My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.

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Two guys meet: "Where were you lost my friend? says one of them." "Well, I took my kids to the zoo..." "And what kind of animals did you see there?" "The tiger... Huge and Scary! Full of stripes... Slowly walking inside the cage. She was “ahgrrr...” "Are you kidding me men? The tiger doesn’t go “ahgrrr..” … She “grrrrsss..”! "Right, ok.. But when you get too close to her face... !"

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Figs Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

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"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In a stork?

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Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.

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