Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!

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A:I have the perfect son. Q:Does he smoke? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he drink whiskey? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he ever come home late? A:No, he doesn't. Q:I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A:He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)

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Why do bears have fur coats? (Because they look silly wearing jackets!)

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Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.

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