Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.

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Q: What's faster than a speeding bullet? A: A Jew with a coupon.

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Q: What is the difference between Harry Potter and a jew? A: Harry Potter escaped the chamber.

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Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"

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How do you tell when time is reversing? When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.

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