Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."

Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.

A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.

What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.