Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

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Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."

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Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...

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The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.

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Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.

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