When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.

Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor decla ... read more

Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.