What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
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Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out.
Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences.
Then hang up.
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Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
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What do you do for exercise?
I lift weights.
What do you do for cardio?
I lift weights faster.
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Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.