The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"

Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.

A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."

What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!