Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."

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Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.

 250

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If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".

 235

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A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”

 354

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What do gays call hemorrhoids ? Speed bumps.

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