Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.

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There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

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Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"

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Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"

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Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.

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