One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could g ... read more

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.