What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued ... read more

Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."

Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.