Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."

 422

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Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"

 1379

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Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

 1370

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Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.

 214

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What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!

 388

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