In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague.
The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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1
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!
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When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."